How to not feel proud that you can still fit into the jeans you’ve had since high school

Also, you look nothing like this.

Look at old photographs
There is nothing like remembering you first wore these jeans back when you looked like a stick and could pass for a boy to take all the joy out of fitting into them now. People who only noticed you to laugh at you back then will certainly not notice you now that you’ve filled out just enough to activate the stretch factor in your pants.

Realize that not putting on weight is synonymous with having no life achievements
Everyone who’s anyone puts on weight. Consultants. Mothers. College students. Your lack of weight gain is a sign of underachievement not successful dieting. Stop starving yourself and start stuffing on the pounds, you anorexic wannabe.

Remember that high school was only 5 years ago
It’s not really that big of an achievement to say you still fit into jeans you bought seven years ago. Some people make clothes last for decades. That’s just good fashion economy, not a claim to fame. You’re not old enough for this to be surprising. Yet.

Tell yourself that it really means you’re stuck in a rut
Clearly if you’re still wearing the same clothes you had in high school, you’re not really moving forward with your sense of style. And since your fashion sense is a good indicator of other areas of your life, you’re obviously not getting anywhere with anything. Chances are you’re still taking remedial English and pining over that boy in your History class.

The moral? If they don’t fit, don’t sweat it. If they do fit, congratulations. Puberty hasn’t set in yet.

Pax.

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