Dear Lord, what are we WEARING?

I had an exam today. Let’s not talk about it.


I had three distinct WTF moments while walking through the streets of downtown Mobay this evening.


I was walking behind a cruff (translation: young Jamaican male with pants at his knees walking with a limping ‘bad man’ gait) when a girl passed him going in the opposite direction. He put his hand out and let it trail along the girl’s body as she walked by, and she turned around to look at him. Now I imagine at that point, she had one of two things on her mind: “Ah smaddy mi know dis?” or (and her subsequent expression makes this one more likely) “Wha dis eediat bwai ah come touch me up fa?”


Carey is shown at a picnic with the computer e...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At the same time, the “eediat bwai” is throwing her the most pitiful ‘come hither’ look I have ever had the misfortune to witness, almost like he’s saying “I know you want some of this.” What? No. No, thank you. Ever. Guys, have more class! Girls, don’t be afraid to tell a boy some bad words when he puts a hand on you without your permission!


The next two WTF moments are actually the same thing, occurring hours apart. I passed two girls on different streets wearing what was basically a shirt and panties. I could see their butt cheeks jiggling from under the hem of the shorts spanky pants.  I know it’s summer, and I know we’re a tropical country and it feels like the sun has a personal vendetta against anyone who steps outdoors, but for the love of all that is decent please do not put your jiggly bits on display. Especially when they’re unattractive.

And that was my evening. After walking out of that exam, my day couldn’t go anywhere but up.


Are you as grossed out as I am by people who wear revealing clothing? What about guys who touch girls they don’t know (and the girls who let them)?


How to not feel proud that you can still fit into the jeans you’ve had since high school

Also, you look nothing like this.

Look at old photographs
There is nothing like remembering you first wore these jeans back when you looked like a stick and could pass for a boy to take all the joy out of fitting into them now. People who only noticed you to laugh at you back then will certainly not notice you now that you’ve filled out just enough to activate the stretch factor in your pants.

Realize that not putting on weight is synonymous with having no life achievements
Everyone who’s anyone puts on weight. Consultants. Mothers. College students. Your lack of weight gain is a sign of underachievement not successful dieting. Stop starving yourself and start stuffing on the pounds, you anorexic wannabe.

Remember that high school was only 5 years ago
It’s not really that big of an achievement to say you still fit into jeans you bought seven years ago. Some people make clothes last for decades. That’s just good fashion economy, not a claim to fame. You’re not old enough for this to be surprising. Yet.

Tell yourself that it really means you’re stuck in a rut
Clearly if you’re still wearing the same clothes you had in high school, you’re not really moving forward with your sense of style. And since your fashion sense is a good indicator of other areas of your life, you’re obviously not getting anywhere with anything. Chances are you’re still taking remedial English and pining over that boy in your History class.

The moral? If they don’t fit, don’t sweat it. If they do fit, congratulations. Puberty hasn’t set in yet.