It seems like the universe has conspired to have me write this entry. On the same morning I stumbled across Raising My Rainbow, a blog about a gender non-conforming 5 year old, I had an enthusiastic seminar on sexuality and HIV.
Raising My Rainbow really struck a chord in my mind because it was the first time I was ever confronted with the reality of such a young child being allowed to opt out of his predetermined gender roles. If you haven’t before, take a moment to consider what this means and check out the blog in the meantime. This five year old boy gets pedicures done with Mummy, dresses up as girls for Halloween and generally spends a lot more time in skirts than most other boys his age.
I am hard pressed to put my finger on what exactly weirds me out about the situation, but I definitely had a moment of “WTF?”. Generally speaking, I encourage people not to let themselves be tied down by the constraints of society and not to let themselves be pigeon-holed into a role they’re uncomfortable with. But I’ve only ever given a thought to adults in this situation. Because grown-ups are assumed to know what they want. But a child?
So I guess my real issue is his age: is a child that young capable of making these kinds of decisions? And should we trust the decisions they make? The family is the earliest institution of socialization we’re exposed to, and that gives parents the enormous responsibility of turning out functional members of society. In effect, parents are expected to guide the child on the path to becoming an appropriate adult.
But how can I fault this boy’s parents for letting him express himself, especially when the alternative would be to force him into society’s idea of the ‘real man’? Too often in Jamaican society, we toughen up our boys too much, robbing them of much-needed emotional expression. The concepts are diametrically opposed. Is one approach the right one, or does the issue fall into the shady grey zone of human experience?
I will not deny that hearing about this little boy’s first pedicure didn’t sit comfortably with me, but that reaction is largely a product of my environment. I believe in advocating the right of a person to be whatever gender he/she wants to be without judgement. That should include little girls and boys too.
How would you react if your 3 year old son decided he wanted to dress up as Snow White for Halloween?
One thought on “the issue of sexuality”
Hard, choice, huh? I’ve watched a few documentaries and stuff, on channels like Discovery Fit and Health, that deal with these issues, but never in a 5-year-old. There are different schools of thought, professionally and otherwise. It’s definitely controversial, especially as it relates to children. Some people say even puberty is too late to allow these people to decide; after all, if they want to be (surgically, hormonally, or otherwise) made into the gender (should we call it “sex”?) they identify with, it’s harder work to undo what puberty did. :/
And then, of course, how connected is gender to sexuality…? There was one guy who had a wife and was attracted to women, but (s)he “felt” like a woman himself/herself. Whoever decides to take on these questions have their work cut out for them…