There are two tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.
Does anyone else find that they are most miserable when they finally get what they want? I’m not talking about the feeling of almost-but-not-quite-satisfaction when you have nothing else to wish for (and come on, we’re human beings. There will always be something else to wish for). I mean the other feeling. The feeling that there’s something wrong with you being happy.
Am I crazy? Yes. Am I alone in my craziness? I really hope not.
My life has been coming together in a way that is entirely surprising and entirely unfamiliar to me. So far everything is on track (I am knocking on ALL the wood, universe): my career, my personal life, my finances. And I’m a little bit (okay, a lot) baffled by how coordinated it all seems. Granted, on the inside I’m still a wibbling mess trying to pass off as an adult. But on the outside and in the big picture things look kinda sorta maybe okay.
And that freaks me the hell out. Instead of enjoying the good times while they’re here I am anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the storm after the calm. When will this all be dragged away from me, I wonder frantically. How long can happiness be mine??
As if there’s something inherently wrong with me being happy. As if the universe in some way needs to balance out this time of contentment with an equally horrible tragedy. When in reality no one is taking stock of the good times to balance them out with bad, and for God’s sake what is so wrong with being happy?
Freud blames my parents. I blame the messed up way my mind works sometimes, tricking me into thinking that I’m only doing well if I’m suffering. Why do our brains lie to us? Is there some magic way to stop the lies, or at least ignore them?
Maybe the only answer is the daily reminder to be gentle with myself, and appreciate each moment as it happens. Which is a good enough answer for me.
3 thoughts on “Getting Okay with Being Happy”
Yes, be gentle with yourself and stay present…it is the way of life to undulate–up and down, continuously forward, happy times, sad times. The trick, like you say, is to stay present, because the now is all we ever really have so worrying about the future really is crazy (😉). Aaaand, staying in the moment is also magic because an alert awareness gives you the ability to actively create the future you would rather see, so, if you’re happy, be happy and when the tough times come, be sad or angry or in despair or whatever–as in allow it to be, acknowledge, accept and move through it because it’s teaching you something that will help you grow. <– and that's kinda trippy… But, all of that said, no, you are not alone. It's part of the human condition, apparently, for us to be like this.
*amends previous comment to include link*
Yes, yes, yes. Trying to remind myself of this daily. Thank you 😌
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